


When We Were Knights

by ButterflyPrincess



Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Exreme Sports, Angst, BASE Jumping, Fluff, M/M, emotional shit basically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-26
Updated: 2016-10-26
Packaged: 2018-08-27 05:02:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8388202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyPrincess/pseuds/ButterflyPrincess
Summary: “People look at what we do and think that we're chasing windmills.Well, that doesn't mean we're not knights.”– Matt Blank, base jumper





	

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the very emotional short film "When We Were Knights" that basically destroyed me and that I highly recommend watching: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5ggiVQltCU
> 
> Thanks to wonderful TheNorthRemembers for being very helpful with her beta-reading, I love you <3

When We Were Knights

 

_"Josh... If you're reading this it means I've had a bad day. And it probably means you'll have several following that day. But... If you're reading this it also means that you're okay, so... that's a silver lining?"_

 

_~*~*~*~_

 

"Are you sure even want to keep doing that shit?"

 

Josh looks at Marcin, the boy with the innocent face and twisted mind, his friend of multiple years ever since Junior High, and he wonders who's the one that went crazy here.

 

"How could I ever even _want to_ stop _?_ "

 

_~*~*~*~_

 

Base jumping, or more specifically wingsuit flying, is the closest mankind will ever come to flying, Josh is convinced of that. At least for as long as he's alive and there's nothing beyond that that counts – He's alive and he's alive _now._ Not a hundred years in the past, not a hundred years in the future but _right now._ And right now jumping off a cliff wearing a wingsuit and gliding over breath-taking sceneries, only inches away from death is the ultimate freedom. At least to him and that's the only thing that matters. He's doing all that only for himself and not for anyone else after all.

 

Of course you can always go on a plane, fly over mountains and seas and see things you can only see this way. But what's a secure, cozy plane compared to the feeling of the wind stroking your body, feeling how light you can actually be, how _free_ you can be. And how could a simple flight ever deliver the same kind of adrenaline-rush as a real jump, such a high of sheer danger? What is it compared to _actual flying?_

 

In the very end, he knows it's unreasonable and stupid and that this hobby of his is what caused his mom to stop calling him years ago and why she rather denies having a son at all than having one who deliberately risks his life only to feel alive. But it's who he is. It's what he wants to do and what makes him feel like life is still worth it. And dancing on the razor's edge between life and death is something he's become pretty good at actually. Because what meaning is to life and death anyway? If "life" only consists of being another boring, conforming shadow among thousands of the very same kind then he's ready to risk it any time.

 

"Can I buy you a drink?" Josh looks up from his empty glass on the counter in his favourite bar - at least here in Nevada - and it's probably the best and the worst decision of his life, all at once.

 

_~*~*~*~_

 

_"I don't quite know where to start with this so forgive me if the letter seems a bit disjointed. There's no way I can sum up the life we've lived together so I'm trusting you that to know the things I may leave unsaid."_

 

_~*~*~*~_

 

The guy who eventually really does buy Josh a drink introduces himself as Sam. Or actually his name is Samson, he had explained with an awkward chuckle, but he prefers Sam. It's shorter and kind of makes it sound as if he wasn't so fucking lame. Josh takes a sip of his drink at that and laughs, remarking that he couldn't possibly be as fucking lame as his name suggests.

 

And he isn't. In fact, this guy, with his barely twenty-five years of life, has been through quite a lot. He's had a girlfriend for eight years, who then broke up with him but not before they almost had a child together. He later, after the small talk, some opening up and maybe one or two drinks more, tells Josh that the baby had already died way before its birth and by the way Sam talks about it, it sounds like he's lost some of his meaning in life.

 

He also talks about the day his cat was hit by a car and how much he cried and Josh actually begins to wonder why every topic they end up with is kind of depressing. He doesn't dare to ask out loud though because something about Sam's presence is soothing, he doesn't even know why. It's just... nice. He lacks a better word. All he knows is that he wouldn't want to do anything that might make this guy dislike him.

 

"See? You're totally not lame." Josh says after one of the more light-hearted, funny stories Sam has to tell and smiles at him, not really understanding what he's doing. Trying to be a nice person for once? Flirting? A bit of both? He mentally shrugs. Maybe it doesn't even matter what he's doing or why.

 

Sam looks down and Josh thinks he notices a faint blush on his cheeks. It's cute really.

 

"My life is fucking lame, though. Like... It sounds stupid but... Do you ever dream of just growing wings to fly away?"

 

Josh's heart skips a beat as he smirks at his new acquaintance. "I think we can arrange that."

 

_~*~*~*~_

 

_"First... let me begin by saying I'm sorry. You're the only one whose letter contains an apology. I know you held us to higher standards and I'm sorry that I couldn't hold up to my end of the bargain. Know that no matter what happened, in my mind you held up yours._

_Please make sure that no one is held responsible for what happened to me."_

 

_~*~*~*~_

 

"Are you fucking filming me?", Sam gasps as over-dramatic as he can manage and finishes putting on his sweater.

 

"Of course I am. Must capture your godlike self for the afterworld to see." Josh makes a close-up of Sam's face. Sam however of course makes the most stupid face in the universe to then wrap his hand around the objective of Josh's camera, causing the record to go black. He leans over and catches the other's lips for a quick kiss.

 

"You? Calling anyone but yourself godlike? What a time to be alive." He takes his hand off the camera, walking towards the other side of the small room of the cabin somewhere in the Alps. He's lost track of where exactly they even are in this very moment. Austria? Italy? France? Who knows. "So, why are you filming again?"

 

"Documentary, motherfucker", Josh jokes and decides to stop recording... For now at least.

 

"You know... I could just look straight into that camera right now and tell the whole world that I want you to be held responsible for any type of dumb shit that can possibly happen to me. And then I would steal the SD and you couldn't even stop me", Sam laughs but is met with a surprisingly serious look from Josh.

  
"You wouldn't actually want that... To blame others for the dumb shit you do."

 

Sam gulps, looking Josh directly in the eyes. "No, probably not", he breaths.

 

_~*~*~*~_

 

_"Man am I glad that I went before you. I was expecting us to grow old together. You know... tidy back yard, kids and then when we're in some old folks' home meeting up somewhere to hop off for a last base jump, without parachutes. But if we didn't go together I would have literally no idea what to do without you. I mean, shit man, every single detail of my last wishes I've left with you, so it's kinda imperative you don't die first."_

 

_~*~*~*~_

 

Sam bubbles over with laughter and adrenaline as Josh hits the ground just seconds after him. Josh just lets out a scream of joy, a high-pitched sound that would make anyone feel his excitement. It's just that no one is here, it's only them and the mountain behind them. The sun is hidden behind heavy clouds but they feel like they're in the spotlight regardless.

 

Josh laughs as Sam falls into is arms, causing them both to fall over, landing in the grass once again. They've already taken off their helmets, and now Sam his bend over him, his weight holding Josh down and it feels too good to be true when Josh reaches up to pull Sam's head down towards his, pressing their lips together, feeling each other, living through the highest of highs together and he's pretty sure that _this_ is what he's living for right now. It's not only the jumping anymore, not just the rush, the danger, the need to feel alive. It's also Sam.

 

“I want to do this until the day I die”, Sam says bluntly as he pulls away for a second.

 

“With a death rate of one in sixty for wingsuit flying it's not very unlikely that you will”, Josh says dryly. His throat feels way too tight all of a sudden. It's the first time that thinking of death makes him feel afraid.

 

“As if either of us ever cared about how long our lives are gonna be. I just... If I'd die right now, kissing you... It'd be okay.”

 

“Cheesy motherfucker”, Josh mumbles and tries to hide the unsteadiness in his voice. “When I saw you the first time I thought you'd be the type to have a wife and kids at some point and die after having fallen asleep in a rocking chair.”

 

“Yet I'd still choose butting heads with a canyon over that at any time. Unless you'd be my wife, of course.”

 

Josh hits Sam on the arm lightly. “You're impossible”, he says, shaking his head before pressing another kiss onto Sam's lips.

  
“I know. And you love me for it.”

 

“Despite”, Josh corrects and wonders if they could ever be a normal couple.

 

~*~*~*~

 

"You know... You'd better not die without leaving something behind."

 

Josh doesn't know how he ended up talking to Marcin once again after not having seen him for years. On the rooftop of some generic skyscraper in LA, smoking his first cigarette in what seems like a hundred years. He just needs to calm his nerves somehow. "I don't actually plan on committing suicide, you know?"

 

"You and your boyfriend jump into bottomless valleys at least once a month. I don't see too much of a difference to be honest." Marcin shrugs and drags on his cigarette.

 

"You do realize that you are the one who got me into this in the first place, don't you?"

 

"It's not the dealer's fault that his customer's become addicted, you know?"

 

Josh sighs. Marcin is probably right. He usually is. Maybe Josh really should have accepted him as some voice of reason back when he still believed in that shit. By now he barely even cares anymore. Except that he actually does care about a few things.

 

“He wants to grow old with me...”, Josh takes a jittery breath, “He wants to grow old with me, I want to grow old with him and we're still jumping into our potential deaths again and again, how fucked up is that?”

 

Marcin shakes his head disbelievingly. “I don't get why you don't just stop doing it then.”

 

Josh doesn't even hesitate to answer. “Because we love it.”

 

“Just make sure to leave something more behind than an emotional wreck of a boyfriend when you go.”

 

It's the evening when Josh and Sam decide to write letters.

 

_~*~*~*~_

 

_"Thank you for being you, yeah? I've not met a single more genuine person in my entire life and well... looks like I won't in the future."_

 

_~*~*~*~_

 

"You're easily the most genuine person I've ever met."

 

Josh lets out a snort. "Where's that even coming from all of a sudden?"

 

Josh honestly doesn't know. They were just lying in bed, as close as humanly possible when you're lying on your back staring at the ceiling, contemplating about life and the things you may or may not leave behind and whether it's even worth thinking about all this.

 

“I don't know, I just... you were never not honest with me. I've met you as a guy who's living his life like he wants to, living his dream and now I'm living it with you. I know you've never been a person to give a fuck what other people thought of your life, so... thanks, I guess. For giving some fucks about me at least.” Sam laughs a little, suggesting he doesn't mean it as bitterly as it might have come out.

 

“Maybe I'm not living _my_ dream anymore. Maybe I started joining yours instead.” Josh finally gets this thought out after it's been on his mind for years, literally. He really doesn't know when and how and why but at some point he had stopped being the crazy motherfucker who randomly jumps off mountains and bridges and basically everything when he wants to feel alive and flee from everyday life.

 

Because where Josh was just rebellious and unsatisfied with his life and maybe even depressed to an extent, Sam really _needed_ to fly away. Where Josh just felt shitty because he was a spoiled child not able to live up to anyone's expectations, Sam had worked his way up and got fucked over by life itself over and over.

 

And while Josh needed the high, the rush and what not to feel _something_ , Sam needed it to only feel _one thing_ for once and Josh knows that. They've been jumping together for what feels like ages and when he had started feeling better he had begun to help Sam more than he was focusing on himself. He stopped jumping for the thrill and just the sake of doing it and continued because it was something him and Sam both loved and that's honestly even better.

 

“I think it's still your dream, though. It's ours. Maybe we just both stopped dreaming alone.”

 

It makes Josh smile. “Have I ever told you that I would kill any other person if they'd be as cheesy as you are?”

 

~*~*~*~

 

“ _A while ago someone asked me what made you the best climbing partner and the reply was simple._

 

 _I said that too often a team's downfall is that one partner believes that their contribution should be toward a common goal and then_ you _always believed that your contribution should be in strengthening your partner. Me. And that's what makes you the best climbing partner in the world.”_

 

~*~*~*~

 

“So what's the _big_ “master plan” you wanted to talk to me about?” Marcin wiggles his eyebrows.

 

Josh just takes one deep breath. “I... want to ask Sam if he... wants to stop the base jumping and, you know... Settle down and shit?”

 

A smirk spreads over Marcin's face. “So you basically want to propose to him?”

 

Josh feels the blood rushing to his face. “I- I don't- I...Yeah, basically that.” He's already stressed out just by thinking about it. “I... I kinda thought of like... Going on a last trip together. Maybe something tame. I've heard there's some place in Turkey where you can just jump off a cable car. It's like, super easy, super chill. A nice good bye I think.”

 

Marcin nods. “Probably. Damn, I... I never in a million years would've thought that you, Joshua fucking Hartnett, would stop being an insane idiot for some sunny boy gone wild. I mean, I would've at the very least expected you to go with a _boom_ you know? Like doing the most deadly jump just to know if you could make and then stop. Something easy seems so... atypical.” Marcin shrugs helplessly.

 

“I don't wanna die during my proposal you know”, Josh laughs before he clears his throat. “Do you think he'll say yes?”

 

“I'll be damned if he doesn't.” Marcin laughs at Josh reassuringly and ruffles his hair. It makes his heart feel a little lighter.

 

~*~*~*~

 

“ _We made it farther together than I could've possibly imagine alone.”_

 

~*~*~*~

 

“So that's it, huh? This is going to be last time...” Josh's heart almost breaks a little as he sees the way Sam looks down the canyon. He shouldn't feel guilty or like he was forcing his boyfriend to stop doing something he loves, yet he does. They've talked about this, long and intensively, weighing pros and cons and in the end they both agreed that their life together was more important than a bit of adrenaline every now and then. It still hurts, though.

 

“Hop on, friends”, the instructor at the cable car says in a highly accented voice. They do so. It's going to be their last time flying like birds. Experiencing the ultimate freedom.

 

“Sam, give me a moment, okay?” Josh's hands are sweaty underneath his gloves and his heart is pounding so, _so_ fast. He inhales and exhales slowly.

 

“I... I didn't really tell you why I wanted to be this our last jump... I... I want to be with you and this... you know, rather alive than dead and... I... I wanted to... Damn it, I'm fucking bad at this shit”, he manages a weak laugh, “I wanted to ask you if you wanted to, if you... Just, will you marry me?”

 

Sam just starts laughing out loud, a light laughter, full of joy. “Of course you idiot. And when we start acting like normal people the first thing I'll do is teach you how to give speeches, that shit was terrible.”

 

“I love you”, Josh says and pulls Sam into his arms. The cable car is shaking a bit but what does it matter really?

 

“I love you, too. And now let's do this.” Sam stands up first, getting ready for a backflip. Something he does quite often. Josh watches him spinning through the air like a maniac, knowing he will miss this but also knowing that it's totally worth it.

 

~*~*~*~

 

“ _Know that I learned too much from you to possibly put in this letter and that these lessons I learned unequivalently changed my life for the better.”_

 

_~*~*~*~_

 

The next thing Josh remembers is Sam's body in his arms. Not moving, not breathing. Nothing. Just the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with right there in front of him, except it doesn't really feel like it's actually _Sam_ anymore. It just feels like the embodiment of the void that starts to fill Josh up, just like that.

 

His friend, his boyfriend, his fiancé, his _future._ All gone and all that he's left is a letter and a video that blacks out in his last second.

 

~*~*~*~

 

“People look at what we do and think that we're chasing windmills.

Well, that doesn't mean we're not knights.”

Matt Blank, base jumper

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoyed it <3  
> As I said, this was inspired by the short film "When We Were Knights" about Ian Flanders (Rest in Peace) and Matt Blank and I basically took the letter and parts of the plot from it. It was basically just a story that touched me a lot and I needed to deal with it this way. 
> 
> PS: Please kids, don't do base jumping, it's dangerous.


End file.
